How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
@ Dreaming By Dusk
In high school, I suffered a lot of anxiety and insecurity because I compared myself to others. I never learned how to love and be confident in myself as an adolescent.
In hindsight, it doesn’t surprise me that this mindset carried with me into my first year of university, only on a greater scale.
On campus, there were women who were prettier than me. There were people who dressed better, spoke better, who really put themselves out there and tried new things. There were people who made new friends – heaps of them – and people who traveled a lot.
I failed to find myself in high school so I felt like I was a step – no, three steps – behind compared to everyone else. I thought I had to match them to be legally called an “adult”.
You can only imagine how much I struggled in my first year of university, and then my second. I think it was also around the same time I starting getting anxiety that I’d never experienced in high school.
In 2018, and 2019 especially, when I was approaching graduation I decided to change my mindset. I realized that by focusing on other people’s lives, I was taking away valuable time that I could dedicate to myself and my own life.
I don’t pretend to have mastered the art of not comparing myself to those around me. This is still a topic that I have trouble with. So, for the last year or so, I’ve been trying to do new things to help me to redirect my focus and energy towards something positive; to commit myself to gaining confidence, self-acceptance and self-love.
If you’re like me and you have difficulty focusing on the positives instead of the negatives, then this is the right post for you. These are the 4 things I do to stop comparing myself to others. Let’s get into them!
Keep your eyes on the road in front of you
This is the way I think of it. I like to imagine that I’m walking down a forest trail. If I look around too much at other things, I will forget to watch where I’m walking and I’ll trip over a rock and fall on my face. Or a branch will get snagged in my hair or something. The act of comparing yourself to other people is the same.
When you focus on where everyone else is, you forget to watch the road ahead of you, the place you want to go, the person you want to be.
I used to feel incredibly self-conscious that I wasn’t at the same place where my friends are. They’re all working and have great, romantic relationships. But I realized something new about it. Sure, my friends reached the same destination, but at different times and in different ways.
It’s easy to feel like I have to reach the same destination as them, but there is no rule that says I have to do that. When our lives, motivations, values and passions are so varied, it’s actually a good thing that I am travelling down a different path to my friends.
Especially when the last time I tried to reach my friends’ level, I ended up being in a pretty terrible relationship with someone, only because I felt pressured to have a steady relationship before the age of 21. There also seems to be this innate pressure amongst young women to check off certain milestones just because we’re women.
Like being in a steady relationship, finding your career as soon as you graduate, being engaged and having children before you turn 30.
You should focus on your own transformations in life. Moreover, you should acknowledge and learn to love that our lives are so different and that it is okay for you to take a different road to your friends. Whether you have things figured out right now or not, it makes no difference.
Neither is a better way to live or be happy than the other. Most of all, unique travels make the best conversation, and the best origin story. We should stop comparing our lives to those around us and celebrate our different journeys instead.
Use social media to enrich your life
We spend so much time on our phones that it’s important to curate the content that we see on a daily basis. One of the things I like to do when I find or follow a new account on Instagram, YouTube or any other social media is to ask myself this question: “How does this content serve me?”
Is it inspirational? Informative? Funny? These are all good reasons to see content on social media. Most of all, these types of content don’t encourage you to have a negative view of yourself. Your social media feed is better when filled with the things you want to fill your life with, when it reflects your hobbies and what you value.
For instance, I like to follow mindful, creative accounts. Artists, poets, bookworms, and writers. I like fashion and beauty, but I make an effort to stay away from accounts that only post photos or videos about themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with that style of content. I just decided that it’s not the content I want or need to see all the time. It doesn’t serve me. It’s like minimalism. The act of de-cluttering your social media profiles and only keeping the things that bring you joy.
If you have a continuous reel of content on social media of perfect, beautiful people and their lifestyles, it will make you feel less confident in yourself and more self-conscious about your own life, your own body, and especially your beauty. You can fix this issue by fine tuning your social media feeds.
Remove content that makes you compare yourself to others, and sprinkle in some new types of content that you enjoy. You want social media to enrich your life, not drag it down.
Show happiness for your successes and everyone else’s
I think I’m incredibly lucky to have friends that support each other instead of tearing each other down. I’m beginning to see that we give encouragement and excitement to each other when we achieve things that matter to us.
When you put out positive energy, you receive it in return. That’s the basic principle. If you withhold on showing support for other people out of insecurity or jealousy, it makes you feel terrible and those around you.
I feel like this point is hand-in-hand with letting go of toxic people and things in your life. If you have friends who put you down or who like your praise but don’t want to give it in return, then they shouldn’t be in your life.
You want to be careful about what company you keep and who you give positive energy to.
At the same time, you also don’t want to be the friend that dwells on the negative, on others or yourself. You can’t expect people to support and be happy for you if you aren’t supportive and happy for them.
It’s as simple as that. Instead of comparing each other’s achievements in life, we should celebrate all of them. Give gratitude and excitement to every victory, small and big, your own and your friends’. Build a network of support with each other instead of a battlefield.
Remind yourself of your best qualities
Like I said, I’m not perfect when it comes to not comparing myself to others. I’m human and that means I slip sometimes. I let the negative thoughts in. In those moments, I like to remind myself to show gratitude for all the things that I have, all the things that I am right now and all the things I will be one day.
The last thing I want to do is call up a friend or speak to family. I talk to them when I’m stressed but I don’t enjoy making a habit of it. My negative thought cycles are my own and no one wants to enjoy listening to the same sad song on repeat too many times.
You don’t need another person to make you feel valued and amazing. You can have them in your life, but you should always begin with yourself first. The best thing you can do is being your own shoulder to cry on. Take the negative self-talk and give it a makeover; turn it into a positive statement.
We all have two voices in our heads. The negative and positive self-talk. If you only focus on the negative energy surrounding something, then you’re unbalanced. You must strive to point out the positive things in any given situation.
Instead of comparing yourself to others and bringing your self-confidence down, make self-love and gratitude into a daily practice. Look in the mirror and point out the things you like about yourself, especially when your mind wants to feels the opposite. Write it down because if you dwell on the good things, you feel good afterwards.
I hope you find this information useful. Learning not to compare yourself to others can be a huge challenge. Just remember that high risk leads to a high reward. If you work a little every day to focus on your own path, goals and view of yourself, you will gain the confidence and calm you are seeking. Don’t forget to like this post and share it with your friends and on social media.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or a professional teacher. What I do have is personal experiences and an interest in personal development. This post is written for entertainment and inspirational purposes. I am not responsible for how you, the reader, chooses to use the information in this post.
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